Feet: HEY YOU UP THERE!
Me: Oh, hi. What’s up?
Feet: We’ve got to talk.
Me: ‘bout what.
Feet: I know you love me.
Me: Oh I do, I do.
Feet: Then why you always treating me so bad?
Me: Bad, bad…but I love you. I buy you pretty things all the time.
Me: Don’t I paint you pretty colors and show you off to the world in the summer?
Feet: But you’re always cramming me into those tiny little shoes, with the tiny little heels. And when was the last time you scheduled a reflexology session for me?
Me: But…but…I always get the prettiest ones for you…don’t you like Marc Jacobs?
Feet: You know me girl, don’t even question my Marc loyalties. But I gotta tell ya, I thought I was doing to die the last time you wore them.
Me: So what are you trying to tell me? Are you asking me to wear ugly shoes? I don’t think I can do that. Sneakers…Aerosoles…CLOGS!!!!!
Feet: HONEY…HONEY…slow down. I’m asking for a little consideration, not to dress like some hick from the mid-west.
Me: Oh…sorry. I got carried away. Okay, so what do you want from me?
Feet: I just want some love…L.O.V.E…love.
Feet: Pick up a nice pumice stone and some of that gingery foot scrub stuff from Origins on your way home.
Feet: Wait, I’m not done yet.
Feet: Also, do they still do paraffin dips at the corner nail salon?
Me: I don’t know, should I check?
Feet: Yeah…and schedule me an appointment for Saturday.
Me: Done. Anything else?
Feet: Oh last thing. You know those Pradas that are on sale at DSW.
Feet: Me want!
Me: Oh you, you sure do know how to sweet talk a girl!