Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Emotionally Retarded

This quote made me laugh.

"People are astonishingly intellectually and physically capable, but we're emotional retards. Luckily you don't have to be good at relationships to have a good relationship."

- Alice Wu

Crash into Me

You've probably encountered a myriad of reviews extolling the merits of the movie Crash. Well, given my overall skepticism about Hollywood's ability to effectively address issues of race relations in the unmelting pot of America, I approached the movie with great wariness this past weekend. I'm glad to say I was proven wrong (as I so frequently am.) Crash was easily one of the best films I'd seen in many years. It's a clever film, interweaving the complex stories of varying characters in and around L.A with subtlety and finesse. I'm not in complete agreement with most critics (most who happen to be white) who are in a frenzy to extol the bravery and honesty of the movies portrayal of racism and intolerance in America. Other than repeatedly reminding us that "Everybody is a little bit racist, sometimes." (borrowing from Avenue Q) - except for Latinos, the movie does little to nullify or break with traditional racial stereotypes. According to the movie:

White people are afraid of black people and think every black person in a position of power got there through preferential treatment. Rich white people are rude.
Asian people are secretive and furtive and bad drivers.
Persian/Middle Eastern people are angry and their wives are subservient to their husbands.
Black people are druggies, thugs, and carry guns or if they are successful they have sold out and are essentially oreos. (Sidebar: Well acculturated black people are called oreos. Why not ring dings or yodels? Those are all black on the outside and white on the inside. And what do you call a white person who wants to be black? And white men who have an asian fetish?)
Latino people are all former gang bangers or maids and they send their kids to catholic school.

The only real fact the movie got right is that guns are really easy to get in this country.

It's not so much the honesty of the movie that makes it superb, the true strength of the movie lies in the storytelling itself. The movie is able to develop and maintain the distinct identities of nearly a dozen different characters without getting muddled or lost. No character is wholly good and no character is wholly bad. Each character has a moment of nobility and each has a moment of cruelty. The real message communicated in the movie is this: Humans cannot live in isolation. We are each creatures of touch, connection, and community. We crave touch. Touch allows us to maintain our humanity. It is when we deny our natural instinct to commune with others that we lose our empathetic abilities and we are capable of committing very bad acts.

Crash gets 5 Skittles out of 5 (that's the full rainbow of flavor.)

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Fun Survey

Birthday:Oct. 20
Birthplace:Chun Ju, South Korea
Current Location:New York City
Eye Color:Dark Brown
Hair Color:Black
Height:5' 6"
Right Handed or Left Handed:Mostly Right, Sometimes Left
Your Heritage:Korean
The Shoes You Wore Today:Started in kitten heels, ended in flip flops
Your Weakness:Cute shoes and nerdy/artsy boys
Your Fears:Any harm coming to my loved ones
Your Perfect Pizza:New York City style with onions, peppers, and olives
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Compiling and publishing my chapbook
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up:Mmmmmmm
Your Best Physical Feature:Eyes
Your Bedtime:Between 11PM - 1AM
Your Most Missed Memory:Huh?
Pepsi or Coke:Cherry Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:Neither
Single or Group Dates:Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Snapple
Chocolate or Vanilla:Neither
Cappuccino or Coffee:Neither
Do you Smoke:No
Do you Swear:Like a sailor
Do you Sing:All the time
Do you Shower Daily:Yes
Have you Been in Love:Yes
Do you want to go to College:Again?
Do you want to get Married:Maybe
Do you belive in yourself:Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:Unfortunately, all the time
Do you think you are Attractive:Yes
Are you a Health Freak:Occassionally
Do you get along with your Parents:Most of the time
Do you like Thunderstorms:Love them
Do you play an Instrument:Yes
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:No
In the past month have you Smoked:No
In the past month have you been on Drugs:No
In the past month have you gone on a Date:Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:No
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:A whole box? No...but I have had a couple
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:Sorta, veggie sushi
In the past month have you been on Stage:Yes
In the past month have you been Dumped:No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:Sadly, no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:No
Ever been Drunk:Almost
Ever been called a Tease:Yes
Ever been Beaten up:No
Ever Shoplifted:Yes
How do you want to Die:I'm too superstitious to answer this
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Still changing
What country would you most like to Visit:New Zealand or South Africa
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Grey
Favourite Hair Color:Black-Brown
Short or Long Hair:Short
Height:5' 10" +
Weight:Doesn't matter but ideally proportionate +/- a couple of lbs
Best Clothing Style:Pulled together casual
Number of Drugs I have taken:Illegal - none
Number of CDs I own:Close to 500
Number of Piercings:8
Number of Tattoos:1
Number of things in my Past I Regret:1


Friday, May 27, 2005

Natural Highs

Whilst reading the funtastic blog of my dear KLo, I came across this lovely list. It was wonderful so I "borrowed" it from her. KLo is just about the spunkiest, most spirited, heart-warming gal not on this side of the pond. I love ya babe!

Natural Highs

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favourite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a 20 pound note in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Sitting on the cool sand at my favourite beach and watching the stars from afar.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful!!
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizingthat some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's faceas they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Shore up the anchor...

I'm just about to kick off what should be a fun three day weekend! Much merriment is planned.

On the docket is:

1. One wedding - it's a very romantic story. The much desired ES is finally gettin hitched. The timeline...Nov 2004 - Met Mr. Right through a mutual friend. Feb. 2005 - Got Engaged. March 2005 - Moved to Phoenix to be with Mr. Right. May 2005 - Getting hitched in NJ. As ES said, "When you find the one you just know it. Plus, I'm pushing 35 and he's pushing 40 and we ain't gettin any younger." LOL!

2. Two friends - Catching up the lovely EC from San Francisco (soon to be from Princeton.) She's in town home hunting. Also spending some good quality time with LB and maybe baby JB.

3. Three days off - Gotta love the patriotism some times.

4. Four calling birds

5. Golden rings

Seriously though...it should be a fun weekend.

Onto other matters...I've been busier than a banshee surrounded by a bunch of waxy eyed men. Here's the scoop:

- I started teached at CUNY (City University of NY) as an adjunct prof. a few months back for a little extra $$. I also started teaching undergrad online courses for the U of Phoenix (Yes, THAT U of P). Mostly management and leadership courses. It's been fun and challenging and good for the bank account. But it's been eating up A LOT of my free evening time. Pooh!

- The work in the apartment is almost complete. The living & dining rooms are lemon souffle yellow, the ceiling is white, the kitchen has new cabinets, the floor is sanded, the molding is almost up, the bedroom is minty green, and I'm ready to set a date to move in. I'm aiming for June 9. Oh so close...so close.

- Lots of work for Dancewave. Their big Spring Celebration is coming up in two weeks. I stopped in on rehearsals a couple of days ago whilst heading to a fund raising planning meeting. The kids looked great! If you are in town on June 9 (the day I move!) give me a holler and I'll get you tickets. The ED and I have been doing some really great brain crunching to plan for the next years fund raising goals and strategy. I love helping the organization in this capacity. It's so fulfilling.

- I finally started work on my chapbook about a month ago. I've taken high resoultion digital images of five of my paintings, and I'm currently shopping around for a high quality scanner that I can use to scan my B&W and other prints. I'm sorting through about 100 or so old poems and writings and trying to select about two dozen for the book - I'll probably end up writing more over the summer. Right now the chapbook is titled "This Woman". I'm using a painting I did about 1.5 years ago (some of you might have seen it) for the cover art (it's red and black and has crazy hair) and my poem "This Woman" will be the opening piece in the book. I'm currently debating whether I should go the old Kinko's route when I get them printed or go to one of those independent publishing houses where you pay em about $1000 and they'll print 200 copies of your bound book. Hopefully I'll have something completed by this fall. At this point, the only sales opportunities I would have would be after one of my very occassional performances at poetry slams and other readings. I'm seriously on the look out for a photography collective I can join. I find this to be the most effective way to get my art work seen and evaluated. Have any of you ever created a chapbook before. Do you have any suggestions?

- I've been flirting with the boys lately but nothing really serious has come of it. Just me having some fun kissing and dancing and playing some very bad pool and bowling.

- Oh! and work has been kicking my butt lately (but in a good way).

(I'm knocking on wood right now.)

Have a good weekend y'all!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

May is National Masturbation Month

I realize that May is almost over but I would feel that I failed all of you if I didn't acknowledge that May is National Masturbation Month.

What with my recent exploits at Home Depot and this months celebrations, it seems I'm in quite the D.I.Y (do it yourself) frame of mind.

Get your freak on...with yourself. I wanna see some mischeveous grins out there.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Campaign for Real Beauty

I know there are commerical motivations behind this campaign but it doesn't make me love it any less...

Campaign for Real Beauty

Makes me want to abandon my beloved Clinique for some Dove.

Damn! It's working.

Signs that I'm growing up...but not too much

Last night, I shut down the Home Depot!

That's right, I was at Home Depot until 12:30 AM purchasing cabinets, light switch plates, outlets, cabinet door fixtures, handles, and other things that I don't really know how to use. I also got into a semi-tiff with an old jewish couple who kept trying to steal away my cabinet guy at 10:42pm.

I would have never seen myself in a million years walking around Home Depot at 11:45pm on a Monday night with a short, mexican contractor in toe buying construction products.

Here's another thing I learned: Credit Card companies do keep a record of your purchasing habits. I had to go through 3 credit cards before one was accepted. Apparantly $2000+ worth of home improvement purchases on a Monday night raise "stolen card" red flags. Now I have to deal with a bunch of "We think your card might have been stolen yesterday" calls. Better safe then sorry, I suppose.

But I'm not too groweded up...After arriving home, I had two wedges of laughing cow cheese and some leftover dumplings for dinner. Oh, and a handful of raisin bran cereal. and a peach.

Monday, May 23, 2005

I heart New York

It seems inevitable that all New Yorkers, at some point, go through a "I need to leave NYC" phase. I went through it, so did AI...and now it looks like a slew of others are jonesing to get the hell outta dodge for a couple o' years. I say go for it.

New York is fantabulous but it occassionally takes a few months, years, decades away to remember why. The constant milling and energy and palpable grittiness can really get under a person's skin if you don't seek the occassional respite. Of course, when it's sunny and 75 degrees and low humidity, I can't think of a better place to be.

I heart New York. Although, a winter home in Costa Rica wouldn't hurt either.

Bigger thunking

What if...

Everything happened exactly as it should.
We had absolute faith in the goodness of the world.
We believed we were well taken care of.
Solace could be found in every corner of our lives, if only we asked.
We ate warm double chocolate chip cookies with impunity.


Swinging for both teams

Although it's been some time since I've "hung out" with the ladies I know that part of me is still alive and kicking. I was at the gym this weekend and some dude left behind a copy of the Maxim Hot 100 on the elliptical machine. Damn, that is just one fine piece of literature!

I heart the girls...and the boys.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Why Sade Rocks!

With all the drama that's happened to my family in the last few years, it's pretty easy to become bitter and jaded about the world. That's why it's good to have something that reminds you of what the world is really about...or should be about.

It's Only Love That Gets You Through
by Sade

Girl you are rich even with nothing
And you know tenderness comes from pain
It's amazing how you love
And love is kind and love can give
And get no gain

It's down a rugged road you've come
Though you had every reason
You didn't come undone
Somehow you made it to the other side
You didn't suffer in vain

You forgive those who have trespassed against you
And you know tenderness comes from pain
It's amazing how you love
And love is kind and love can give
And love needs no gain

You didn't suffer in vain
You know it's only love
That gets you through
Only love, it's only love
It's only love that gets you through

Thursday, May 19, 2005

From the NY Times

The NY Times has been running a very interesting series examining class in America.


Having started my life somewhere very close to the bottom and somehow having made my way much closer to the top, I'm quite intrigued by the whole concept of class and its influence on a person's sense of self.

In other NY Times goodness, some interesting theories on my favorite topic...the female orgasm.


Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Either I've got a stomach virus or I'm feeling sympathy pain for my mother. I've been SICK for the last four days. I'm thinking its partially the stress of everything that's been happening and also probably a very small virus that has been magnified by everything else.

On a bright note...I think my mom is in the clear. She's eating little bits and she can stand and brush her teeth. She insisted on putting curlers in her hair because her hair was such a mess and she was joking about how she can't leave the house - not because it would sully her reputation, but because it would damage my dads. People will think my dad beat her or something.

And to put everything into perspective, yesterday my mom said:

"What? This isn't serious. I'll tell you what is serious. The Korean War was serious. That was tragic. This, not so much." (I'm somewhat paraphrasing but you get the meaning.)

Probably adding to the stress somewhat, my contractor began work on my apartment on Monday - and they painted the walls yesterday! Yellow!

Sunday, May 15, 2005

You must experience great sorrow to appreciate great joy

I'm so conflicted now. It's been about 19 hours since my mom's attack. She's severly nauseaus, vomiting everything she tries to take in, and EXTERMELY battered. It's hard to look at her without wanting to cry and/or go out and hunt down the people that did this to her. But she hasn't lost consciousness...and if she continues in this vain, she's in the clear. Just several weeks of recovery and rest.

They say you have to experience great sorrow to appreciate great joy...or rather because of the worlds system of checks and balance...if something really good exists, something really challenging must also exist. Well, given how friggin UNBELIEVABLE and AMAZING and KIND and LOVING my family is...I guess this string of tragic events is what it takes to counterbalance us.

2002 - My oldest sister dies in a freak accident.
2003 - My little sister is in a very bad car accident whereby the car flips over multiple times.
2004 - My dad has a heart attack
2005 - My mom

But...come on...can't we have just one year - 12 months - when no one has to be rushed to the hospital emergency room.

My decision to move back home from San Francisco was the best decision I made. I would have gone crazy if I was stuck in SF (kinda the way I got REALLY, REALLY depressed and gained 20 lbs after my dad's heart attack).

Well, the one thing all of this has proven is that my family is really tough, tight and VERY good in a times of crisis. I suppose we've had a lot of experience with tragedy.

I'm not joking when I tell y'all to turn to your nearest loved one, or pick up the phone, and tell them you love them. Then tell them why you love them. Tell them one thing that they do that makes your heart smile. Tell them one way that they have made your life better. Tell them that they mean the world to you. Then give them a kiss and a hug. And give them a good hug. Not one of those half-assed patty hugs. A hug that tells them that you are there for them, that you're not going anywhere, and that they are loved unconditionally and wholly. Hold them and feel their warmth and give thanks that they are alive. Hold them and feel their heart pound and give thanks that they exist. Hold them, feel their lungs rise and fall and give thanks that you have this moment with them.

I know all to well how scary it is to imagine life without the people you love...I've had to live the scenario far too many times...

Love Shamelessly
Love Passionately
Love Wholely
Love Consumingly
Love Consciously
Love Appreciatively
Love Tenderly
Love Generously
Love Bravely
Love Entirely

Are we lucky or unlucky?

So don't freak out...are you sitting? Okay...here is some shocking news that really has me rattled...

(I've already emailed some of you about this in a very sad tone - but I'm going to share a different perspective here...a much more angry perspective.)

My mom...the lovely woman who makes you laugh with her silliness...was robbed and severly beaten on Saturday night by one or two thugs. The thugs approached her from behind as she was walking to her car after closing shop for the day. It was approximately 8pm - so still quite bright and visible - and the shopping center where my mom works is VERY busy and crowded during this time. The thugs must have been watching my mother for some time because they approached her from behind, beat her several times with a bat or pipe, knocked her down, continued to beat her once she was on the floor than stole her purse...presumably to steal the days sales. Luckily my mother is smart enough not to carry the days sales in her purse. The thiefs fled on foot and she never got a chance to clearly see who attacked her.

She's doing okay and her CAT scan came out a-okay - thank god! Praise the lord...no broken bones or permanent damage. Just a severely battered head and left arm. We'll be observing her behavior closely over the next several days...just to make sure her head injuries are not more serious. The greatest damage was inflicted on her sense of safety and freedom. Although, I can't look at her severly swollen, bruised face and not feel like crumbling into a pile of tears.

The attack however, is not the worst part of the incident. As I mentioned, the attack took place in a VERY bright, VERY crowded shopping center...with dozens of witnesses and bystanders...yet, not one person came to the assistane of my 5 foot 2 inch, 120 lb, 61 year old mother! Not one! and they didn't even bother calling 911. Apparently, they just stood and watched the whole incident. My mother had to pick herself off the ground - no one helped her, go up to a bystander, ask to borrow their cell phone and call 911 herself. She then lost consiousness and awoke in the hospital where she contacted my father. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!!!! It makes me want to just give up...I'm an optimist by nature and I really do believe that people are inherently good. BUT...things like this make me really question my beliefs. WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

When did people become so callus? Am I just a fool for believing that humans really do aspire for beauty and kindness and love?

Of course, as is the fashion of my family, we are always apt to look for the silver lining. As my mom said on the way home...yes, we were able to take her home after several hours of observation in the hospital..."God was watching over me. I could have been killed or broken something." Which is completely true. One good blow to her head could have killed her. And my mother continued to say "God was watching over me like he was watching over your sister when she was in her car accident and when your dad had his heart attack." She's right of course. In the grand perspective...my family has been very lucky...not too many 61 year old women can walk away after being beaten with a bat.

Go kiss your nearest loved one. And realize that whatever they might do that upsets you is nothing compared to the pain that would be caused if they were ripped from your life.

Thursday, May 12, 2005


I found this little poem and thought it was quite wise...

If you can sit quietly after difficult news,
If in financial downtimes you can remain perfectly calm,
If you can love unconditionally and see your neighbors travel to fantastic places without a twinge of jealousy,
If you can happily eat whatever is put on your plate,
And if you can fall asleep after a day of running around without a drink or a pill,
If you can always find contentment wherever you are,
you are probably a dog.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Rousing the masses

Note: I'm on a flight and have little else to do then write a rather rambling, self-indulgent post. I'll post this once I land. Read at your own risk. I forgot my book at home...and I'm to cheap to purchase one from the airport gift store.

It's always interesting to see which of my posts will rouse the masses. Apparently my last couple of posts about dating and boys and "my type" seemed to have stirred many of you up! It's also interesting to note that most all of y'all prefer to email me your comments rather than post them here. It's all good. Although, it is a little humbling to be reminded of how many of you actually read this. In my little world of self-denial I like to think only 6 people read this - EC, NG, SS, EF, KL, and AI.

Your responses were highly amusing. They ranged from comparing me to various members of the Sex and the City cast (comments which were more or less lost on me given that I've never watched a single episode of the show) to asking me question such as "Okay, so who is Mr. Right then and how do you know?" and "And why do you need defense mechanisms in the first place?"

About 5 or 6 years ago a girlfriend and I decided to do a little experiment...we wrote exhaustive lists about what our "ideal" mate would look like (and I'm not just talking about physical aesthetics). The thought was that we'd tuck these lists away and revisit them once we've found "the one" and compare what we have with what we thought we wanted. Well, neither one of us is married yet or even in long term relationships. I still have my list. It's in one of my old journals, packed neatly away in a box sitting in storage in my parent’s garage. I don't actually recall what I put on my list. I do remember that at the time that I created the list I surprised myself in that there were few if any superficial qualities - ie: physical qualities, material achievements - on the list. I always assumed I was a pretty superficial person...at least that was my dating pattern up to that point...that list helped clarify what I wanted and needed in a relationship and helped me mature and expand my approach to mating and dating. It also helped pull me out of some seriously dangerous dating habits I'd adopted. The only four items on the list that I can remember (and I know the list has 40+ items on it) are

1) Validates me, who I am currently, and who I want to become.
2) Artistic Aesthetic - Doesn't have to be an artist per say but should be able to appreciate and value the enormous contributions art makes to society.
3) Spiritual Awareness - Doesn't have to be a Christian but probably won't be an atheist. Agnostic is okay. Just needs to realize that there is something greater, more wonderful, that exists beyond the boundaries of his/her own flesh.
4) Kindness and Empathy - Has the capacity to feel sorrow for someone other then themselves and would never kick a puppy.

I like the fact that those are the only 4 that I can remember. Maybe these are the only four that really count.

Some of you know what my physical preferences are - tall, sinewy, kinda on the Jewishy looking side, dark hair (preferably slightly curly) - but as I grow older I realize that these things don't matter as much to me - goodness knows I've been attracted to people on occasion who completely defy this aesthetic. In a crowded room I don't deny that I'll make a beeline for the tall, sinewy, Jewish boy but on a day to day basis, it’s the soul that attracts me the most.

At the end of the day, I know I protect myself because I love and care too deeply. WOW, that sounds incredibly egotistical. Let me rephrase. All my life, whatever it is that I love and have a passion for, I throw my whole self into it...I give myself completely. That's why I'm so busy. I love yoga - so I became a yoga teacher and immersed myself in its teachings. I love music - so I took voice lessons, learned to play the guitar and piano, and sing whenever I get an opportunity. I love volunteering - so I volunteer regularly and have now upped the anty by joining a board. I love photography and painting - and have thus pursued graduate level course work in both areas. That's what I do. I'm a pitta dosha. I'm kinda extreme. And that is the way I love people too. I LOVE my friends. I love y'all. But friends are kinda safe. I'm not sharing a bed with you - well, not most of you anyway. I know that when I do allow myself to fall in love - I have a tendency to lose myself in the falling. It's a scary thing to know about oneself. That's why I have to feel really safe to allow myself to fall in love. I really am that deliberate...I have to allow myself to fall in love...but when I do, there is very little I can do to stop the process. Unfortunately, the few times when I have allowed myself, things didn't work out and I was more than crushed. As strong as I appear, it really is quite easy to destroy me. A word, a phrase, a look can make me crumble. And for that reason, I protect my heart fiercely...sometimes too fiercely.

So that's it I guess. That's it. Two strikes so far in the category of Bo's heart. Maybe third time will be the charm.

Most heartening compliment

The best thing a person can tell me is that I made them laugh. It delights me to no extent to see someone laugh. Laughter is a gift and the fact that someone would share their joy with me melts me. Thanks for your email this morning AI!

You can't help smile back when someone smiles at you. It's like that sillytacular video by the Dave Matthews Band a few years back - the one with the huggy guy.

I don't think I have a particularly good sense of humor or that I'm all that funny. I just think I'm really quirky and have a rather random take on life. I'm also pretty shameless...that tends to help.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Lessons from this weekend

It's pointless to try and guess what god has in store for you.

Safety pins are good things to keep handy.

Squid ink is best in moderation. And don't wear white.

Yuba is yummy!

My dad sure does know how to pout and act like a little kicked puppy sometimes.

Karaoke with the family is fun!

It's good to have buddies.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Spring is indeed in the air!

Despite how very cold it is outside, spring is indeed in the air! How else to explain all the cute boys that seem to have appeared out of thin air? It seems that I am not the only one flirting with the precarious brew of multi-boy dating. You know who you are, don't be shy. It's all good girl! ;-)

Oh to be a liberated woman in the 21st century! Yes, I know what all of you are thinking.

Bo's Friends: "Bo, you said you weren't going to do this anymore. What about the whole finding your soulmate thing?"

Well, so long as all parties involved know it's a casual fling, what harm is there? I say. Plus, I did the whole leaping and opening my heart thing. And most all of y'all know how THAT turned out! Just a bunch of tears, a wounded heart, and lots of fodder for some sappy poetry. I need a rebound and a little fun. Plus, I know myself well enough to know when its Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now.

My only piece of advice if you attempt such tricky manueuvers: Remember to call them by the right name! LOL.

And yes, I know...it's all really a defense mechanism. My callus approach to relationships IS my way of protecting what is otherwise a very soft, vulnerable, paper thin heart. Oh well...what am I gonna do about that?

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Don't feed the animals

In particular, don't feed them sugar before 10AM. I made the mistake of eating a muffin for breakfast this morning...something I rarely do. I like protein in the morning or at a minimum bran flakes. Something substantive. Now I'm bouncing off the walls. I wrote an email to a friend this morning whilst high on sugar...here's just a little sneak into what she got.

"Mortgage, responsibility...I'm feeling old. Well, not really. I still feel rather stupid and young and silly. Does that feeling ever leave? I half believe that if you checked behind my ears, I'd still be a little green. I'd be the cantaloupe you leave behind because you can't hear the seeds when you shake me. The underripe kiwi that feel like a fuzzy hockey puck. But I have all the trappings of an old person - debt up the ying yang. Not to be confused with the Ying Yang Twins. I don't have a pimp cup. Well, not yet anyway. But I'm working on it."

Poor friend who will receive that email.

Here's another tip for the day - courtesy of a friend of a friend.

Learn to read poetry or better yet, write your own. You'll immediately gain the reputation of being a good kisser.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

A poem that I can't seem to finish

On occasion I'll write a fragment of a poem that I then can't finish. It's like flicking through the radio, hearing a segment of a great song and then being unable to find the station again. It's frustrating. This stanza was written nearly three months ago...and I can't for the life of me finish it. It has so much potential to be a wonderful poem but it doesn't seem to want closure.


Tender is where you touched me in
a shuttered windowed room.
I will always hold a delicate space
for you in my heart.
How often I crave to hear you whisper…

“Beloved, Beloved, Beloved…My Beloved.”

Monday, May 02, 2005

Why I believe the world is trying to tell me something

Ever since my mid-twenties "change" when I went from corporate ladder climber to self-actualization victim, I have consistently attracted a certain type. Here are some of the typical characteristics:

Suburban Upper-Middle Class raised
Artist-leaning: actor, performance artist, musician, painter, photographer etc...
Early thirties
Found Buddhism and yoga in his mid-to-late twenties
Tinkerer, crafty, do-it-yourself, creator of things
Have experience kissing girls AND boys
Can't imagine living anywhere but NYC or some other metropolitan locale but also wants to live in the jungle or the woods
Highly amused by Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs

This weekend's tryst was no exception. What's wrong with me?


One of the reasons I love New York City is that regardless of how much money flows through its canyons or how many Jimmy Choo heeled socialites scamper for a reservation at Per Se, there is a constant underlying grittiness that cannot be ignored. You can't live in New York and not be humbled by poverty, homelessness, mental anguish, and the implications of sexual and psychological exploitation. New York City, for all of its glitterata and pretentious culture, is a constant war zone of failed dreams and their bitter consequences.

We, as a nation, seem to feel entitled to live in communities that are so hermetically sealed it becomes easy to ignore the suffering and pain that is the reality of so many of the earth's inhabitants. We should not desire to live in such luxury. To crave the well-manicured lawns and sidewalks of the "All-American" suburb is to willfully erase the suffering of billions of people. It is apathy personified.

New York reminds me to be humble, it reminds me to be thankful for what I have, it challenges me to fight for social and economic justice for all. New York City is that constant whisper that encourages me to remain compassionate and empathetic.

More dreams

The intense, animated dreams keep on coming. Last night was the fourth crazy dream I've had in as many days. It involved boiling water, airplane flights, and the same ex I mentioned in the previous dream. I don't recall all the details but it was very emotional and dramatic.

The downside to all of this dreamworld exercise is that I wake up in the morning exhausted and feeling strung out.