Thursday, April 28, 2005


There is a quote by the buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh:

"You cannot resist loving another person when you really understand him or her."

On occassion, I have been accused by people of oversharing or sharing my "life story" too quickly with people I have only just met. Well, it's my nature first and foremost to try and connect with people, and in order to do that I need to be willing to generously give of myself...and that includes sharing my history. I don't think I share out of an extrodinary sense of narcissism. I share with people the type of information that I would like to know about them. I guess it also helps that there is very little in my life that I am ashamed of. Everything I've done has affected who I am to date and I'm pretty happy with her and who she has the potential to become.

We all have a story to tell and I find nothing more exhilerating and exciting then sitting down and hearing someone's story and learning from them. I can spend hours upon hours listening to someone tell of their childhood, their first best friend, the first time they cried because of a broken heart, the way their mother taught them to speak, how they would lie in bed at night and tuck all the covers underneath them so that the monsters couldn't get in... It's all utterly fascinating to me. It's my belief that most people move through life unaware of how interesting, complex, and involved their emotional lives truly are. This is why so many people are dissatisfied with their current situation or position in life. If you don't know where you come from, you probably don't know where you are going - or how to change the course if it doesn't seem satisfactory.

So, if you ever find yourself with me and suddenly find yourself uncomfortable with my sharing...tough noggies. And if you want me to share more, just ask me about that time in 7th grade when I had to make a presentation in front of my English class...that moment triggered my quest to become a competent public speaker.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Into the dream world of Bo

I had the weirdest dream last night. Do you want to know what happened?

I typically don't dream too much - or rather - I tend not to remember my dreams save for little snippets here and there. The dreams that do stick around are the frantic ones that often wake me up in a start.

It started off with me and a certain recent ex deciding that we needed to get married in one week. I don't remember why we had to get married in one week, but there was a great sense of urgency around the whole thing. I don't think I was pregnant although there was a whole sequence involving all my various friends who are currently pregnant or mothers of babies or toddlers. I don't recall what happens in this sequence except that it is determined that I possess "Baby Whispering" skills. Kind of like being a Horse Whisperer but with babies. In any case, the frantic pace of the dream and craziness steamed not from the immediacy of the nuptuals but the fact that neither of our families had ever met and they wouldn't be meeting until the day of the wedding. We were both freaking out about this.

The day of the wedding arrives. The ceremony is being held in a big red barn on a farm somewhere in PA or OH. For whatever reason we decided not to move the animals out of the barn so the wedding guests are mingling around with the cows and pigs and sheep. Luckily, I don't think it smelled at all in the barn. (I also happen to be vegan in the dream.) The bulk of the dream involves myself and my ex (soon to be dreamworld husband) trying to distract our parents so they don't meet each other. It's a bit like a sitcom. Whenever we bump into a parent or in-law we send them on a wild goose chase. The wedding ceremony begins. My dreamworld fiance is waiting at the alter. As I begin to walk down the aisle, I notice that my exboyfriend-cum-fiance has all of a sudden sprouted a full head of thick curly brown hair (in real life he typically sports a somewhat short julius caesar like haircut and he's mildly balding). This catches me off guard. I'm equally excited to be getting married but apprehensive that our families are meeting and that my soon to be dream husband has a new head of hair. All the while the animals are lingering about minding their own business.

Cut to the honeymoon in some tropical local - Tahiti, Bora Bora - you get the idea. The entire wedding party, including guests, have joined us on the honeymoon. This doesn't bother us so much. However, it's difficult for us to find alone time.

I'm not sure what to make of this dream? Any thoughts?

Monday, April 25, 2005

Summer music festivals

I haven't seen a decent concert in months. I couldn't get tickets to see the killers a few weeks ago, nor was I able to get tickets for the shins this past weekend. And to top it all off the Coachella Festival is this weekend.

I am sad.

Update on updates

Why have I been so remiss in posting?

A) I've been doing the the three step waltz with my airline of choice and racking up points for my way south of the border escapades come Christmas time. All courtesy of my clients.
B) Contractors kinda suck.
C) I'm busy kissing cute boys.
D) You can call me Professor Bo.
E) My mother has finally learned to use "the email" and she's stalking me.
F) All of the above.

Friday, April 22, 2005


No posts for a long time...lots of stuff going on...will fill you in when I get a chance.

I leave you with this thought...

What happens when you allow an idea to die? Does it just go away or does it amply the voice that keeps you up at night?

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Where's that line again?

I have problems...this I know. One of those problems is that I have a tendancy to push and push and push...until I totally overstep "the line."

Well, I think I just did that! I swear, I was being good. Completely and honestly...really, really good. ;-)

But take that with a grain of salt. I am, afterall, a girl in possession of Strawberry Shortcake checks!

Monday, April 11, 2005

It was just too beautiful...

To stay indoors this weekend.

The temperature rose to over 71 degrees and I walked around in jeans, flip flops, and a tank top. It was superb. Makes a girl want to flirt and kiss cute boys.

I bumped into the beautiful, smiling AI on Saturday in Washington Square Park on the way to yoga class. What a treat! She is always so smiley and in good spirits. I'm so happy to have her in my life. I love her laugh.

On another note, I need to buy a belt. With my vegan lenten experiment and my decision to go back to being a vegetarian (more or less) I've lost about 10 lbs since late february (I also think it has something to do with the home purchasing stress I've been under lately and the amount of running I've been doing - activities that are not unrelated) - and given my overall proportions and slimmish hips, I can't seem to keep my jeans on my hips properly. Booty crack is just not very becoming and I hate stopping every 10 seconds to pull up my jeans. Where are all the good belts? I checked out four stores and all I could find were thin, elaborate, ugly ones...I just want a nice, sturdy, brown belt that is more than an inch thick.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Me and Jesus

Okay, so this post was supposed to be some simple observation about religion and the pope's funeral/passing...I don't know at what point it became this HUGE stream of consciousness at your own peril.

As the Hollywood T-Shirt De Jour clearly proclaims...Jesus is my Homeboy! Does anyone else find it kind of ironic that these shirts are produced by a company called Teenage Millionaire and worn by stars like Demi Moore (a very public follower of the Kabbalah)? Oh religion today...what a murky pool of fun! You have the standard ones; Judaism, Muslim, Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism...and the not so standard ones; Scientology, Church of Latter-Day Saints, Kabbalah, Seventh-Day Adventism, Hare Krishna, Wicca... And that's not even expanding upon the various sects within these religions...orthodox, reformed, evangelical, born-again, semi-reformed, semi-conservative, half baked, fully-baked, unevenly baked because I forgot to rotate the cookie sheet half way through the cooking time!

Did you know there was a Christian denomination called the 'Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod'? How did those Wisconsinites get there own Christian sect and how do I sign up to form my own? Apparently it's more conservative than the Catholic church. Here's a little excerpt from their website:

"The biblical principle of role relationship applies also to the gatherings of the church. All believers, men and women, will participate at gatherings of worship, prayer, Bible study, and service. The scriptural applications that a woman remain silent (1 Co 14:34) and that a woman should not teach a man (1 Ti 2:11,12) require that a woman refrain from participating in these gatherings in any way which involves authority over men."

Follow this link for more "wisdom" from the WELS church. Ahhhhhh!

And now with all the media coverage surrounding the death of Pope John Paul the II (I'm not going to comment lest my soul be condemned to purgatory)...what on earth (or heaven) is a person exploring their faith supposed to do?

I feel extremely fortunate that I grew up in a household where faith and critical thinking were heralded as equally important qualities to possess. Basically, while my parent's instilled in me a strong yearning to explore my spirituality, they were equally adamant that I don't fall prey to every peddler of snake oils and express trains to redemption. How'd I end up so lucky? I was taught that living a spiritual life is not about accepting the blanket statements of any one man or woman. I learned that calling myself a faith based person requires a constant willingness to explore, examine, and question my own belief in God (or gods), in goodness, in humility, in selflessness (and selfishness), in get the picture. My familial history with the church taught me that religion is not some simple cure all, a balm for what ails you, it's not about necessarily making your life easier and less complex. In my exploration of faith, I've come to understand that my belief in God makes my life richer, more meaningful, and more intangible. My spiritual exploration challenges me to question what I do, question how I live, question how I love and hate. It challenges me to think beyond the boundaries of my own flesh and examine the impact I have in the community and environment I play in.

Jesus said "Love thy neighbor as you love yourself." (I think I'm paraphrasing a bit there)...I suppose the superficial interpretation of that statement would be "Be loving to those around you." That's pretty harmless. But here's my radical spin on the statement. What if Jesus was trying to say "You are also your neighbor, you are in essence every person around you. And because you are every person around you, you have a responsibility to care for every person as you would care for yourself." That's a pretty tall order and not something that can easily be done.

I think it's very funny whenever I encounter religious sects that require devotees to follow a rigid system of rules and obligations...the 10 Commandments, keeping kosher, the separation of women and men in Muslim temples. Do people really believe their soul is saved or they get an express ticket to the Elysian Fields by avoiding pork, keeping vegetarian, or condemning gays? Is self-redemption and self-actualization that easy to buy? And if it is, why can't people agree on the exact rules? I'm sure I'm not the only person who would appreciate such an instruction manual.

Of course, by stating my opinion that religion forces us to question and examine, I'm not saying that all life is suffering and struggle. That life inherently involves suffering is one of the basic tenets of Buddhism and one of the reasons why I have never been able to jive with Buddhist teachings. Surely, a big component of my faith is also based on the exquisite sense of peace, fulfillment and joy I derive from my exploration. But that's the and spirituality is not black and white, it is an ever evolving painting of vibrant and muted colors, shades and hues that we can appreciate with our senses but can't possibly begin to articulate with our limited vocabulary.

...Side bar...

I was reading the news today and came upon this quote made by a liturgical scholar. It is in reference to the late Pope John Paul's will...

"You get a feeling when you read this of a man very alone, alone with God, and agonizing over his worthiness and ability to carry out the task before him," Dr. Pham said, "and someone who despite all that places a great confidence in that divine mercy."

I find it very comforting to know that even the pope 1) questioned his worthiness before the eyes of God, and 2) that he felt alone. Those are the surest signs that the pope, at the end of the day, was human. It also provides some solace to us fools who question our own worthiness all the time.

...End side bar...

You know...for a long time I struggled with the concept of prayer. Prayer for me has always been a highly private and intimate conversation I have with the big mama. Late last year, I met a friend, who was himself, on a rather intimate journey of faith and self-definition. Through his own journey, he challenged me to think outside of the smug little faith world I encased myself in. For that I thank him entirely. In my brief encounter with him, he helped me explore my hang ups with prayer. Part of my prayer process involves the act of asking for forgiveness of the 100s of misdeeds I commit on a daily basis. I've always struggled with this aspect of prayer. Not because I believe I'm incapable of sin. I struggle because the articulation process is so extraordinary self-revealing. Then one day, during a meditation session, I came to a realization...Naming your sins is a lot like naming your thoughts during meditation. I was once taught a meditation technique involved the naming of thoughts. Whenever a thought comes into the mind, rather than getting involved with the thought, you name it and let it go. For example, if I'm thinking about a conversation I had earlier in the day, I'd name the thought "That is a thought about the past." Then I'd let it go. By articulating and distilling the thought, I'm able to let it go rather than allowing it to fester. Enumerating my sins is much the same thing. By naming my sin, I can let it go...and with that letting go I also give up the sense of unworthiness that often accompanies an act that I deem bad. We often feel bad about ourselves because we do something bad (in our minds if not in reality). Because we feel bad, we don't feel that we can have an intimate relationship with the spirit (whether it be God or our own soul)...we let these bad feelings about ourselves fester...and next thing you know we are consumed by self-doubt and loathing. But what if, by naming the giving it a voice, we are able to let it go...and thus feel more connected to the spirit, the soul, to our own inherent goodness. That's some pretty powerful stuff. Oh course, this observation is very western Christian centric (with just a little yogic philosophy thrown in).

I've had the great fortune of communicating with many of you about my faith journey and the fact that, on occasion, I have considered attending seminary and possibly becoming an ordained minister. Other than the fact that there aren't to many young, Asian, female ministers out there (and I'm always up for shaking things up a bit), I want to have the luxury of exploring my faith in an environment created for that sole purpose. Will I ever attend seminary? I don't know. At this point in time, considering the amount of mortgage and grad school debt I have, I don't think it's a possibility. Unless I marry rich or win the lottery, an further education is out of the question for the time being.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

House warming gift to myself

In honor of my new home I've finally ordered some new checks...

Strawberry Shortcake Checks

You think I'm joking, but I'm not. AND I purchased the matching mailing labels and checkbook cover!


I'm such a girl.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

It's official!

I am now the realization of the American Dream...I'm up to my eye balls in debt!

After many, many, many, many, many months...6 to be exact...I closed on my new place today. I can now call a little 750 square foot plot of space on the island of Manhattan my very own (well, technically...since I purchased a co-op I can call 10,000 shares in the Owner Corporation my very own...but 10,000 shares is a bit difficult to snuggle up to at night.)

I'm both relieved and completely stressed-out. Relieved because it's finally done...stressed out because now I've got a whole lot of debt and I have to move...again!

But anyway, I'll be sending out an email with my new address shortly...this way, you can always find a free pull out couch to crash on when you're in the hood!

Friday, April 01, 2005

Brain Experiment

It's weird to work for a think tank...There are many days when I literally sit at my desk and just think; Come up with new ways of conceiving and creating diversity, inclusion, and gender equity in the workplace. Other days I make upwards of 30 calls to various people or speak on the phone for 6 or 7 hours. I like to take copious notes on my computer when I speak on the phone. For this reason, I have one of those nifty phone headsets - kind of like an operator. The headset is designed so I can wear the ear piece on either my left or right ear. I started noticing, a few months back, that when I wear the headset on my right ear I capture far more verbatim quotes then when I wear it on my left ear. I summarize more when I'm wearing it on my left.

The difference in the quality of the notes is subtle - but as someone who is dyslexic and hypersensative to how my brain processes information - this subtle variance really surprised me. I'm sure it has something to do with the whole left brain/right brain phenomena. This got me thinking about how humans, overall, take in and process information. Would I have a different conversation with someone if they stood to the right side of me as opposed to my left? If they stand to my left side, I may not be hearing the exact words they say and instead I might be more holistic in the way I process the conversation (and I might be at risk of misinterpreting what they have to say.) If they stand to my right, I may be hearing the words but not getting the overall message. Could this be the reason why humans prefer to speak with people face to face? When you speak face to face, not only do you get to absorb all the non-verbal cues transmitted through a person's facial movements, you also receive the same volumn of information in both ears at the same time. You hear the overall message and the individual words - you get a fuller appreciation of what is being communicated.

So, what does this mean for a person who has lost hearing in one ear? Does their communication style change?

Just something to think about. Then again, my brain wiring has always been a bit crossed to begin with.