You know what...I had such hope for you. I thought this year would be so different. We started on such a good foot. But you know what...
YOU ARE ONE MOODY, BIPOLAR MOTHERF*CKER!
Yeah we had some great moments...like that time with the car and those sheets and how about that night with the brownies, the drill, those shelves, and the hot wax...you know what I'm talking about. Don't try to get all bashful on me now. You're just as guilty as I am.
But oh the lows...oh the lows...what were you thinking!!!!
I gave you so much of my body, my soul, my love, my creativity, and most of all my heart. And what did I get for all of my generosity...a battered heart, weary and heavy.
So that's it...I'M DUMPING YOU!
It's over and nothing you can say will make me change my mind. I've got to move on. You'll see...this is the best thing for both of us.
And anyway, I've met someone new. His name is 2006. Under different circumstances I think you'd actually like him. The two of you aren't all that different.
So anyway, you need to come over and get all of your crap. I'm keeping the books and the DVDs. Oh yeah, I'll need my keys back and don't even try to get them copied. The doormen have been notified and are keeping an eye out for you.