Tuesday, January 30, 2007

It all gets better at 30!

So, my good man over on the other side of the pond provided some advice to friend who is/was turning 30. He suggested that others also contribute to the whole debate...this was my letter to him.

It All Gets Better at 30!

Now that I've been 30 for 15 months and 10 days I like to think that I'm a bit of an expert in the department. Actually, I'm so advanced I've actually been awarded the very honorable distinction of 31. I'm such an over-achiever. But I digress.

Please inform G of the following. I'm not sure if the same can be said for men, but unless G is considering a sex change operation I think we're covered.

The sex is much better now...MUCH MUCH better.

Let me elaborate...

As a teenager you're a bit obsessed with the idea of being a "good girl". Good girls aren't supposed to want to have sex. You spend a lot of years trying to convince yourself that only bad girls have sex and good girls hold out. Who can enjoy sex with this sort of baggage? Plus, teenage boys (and girls for that matter) haven't a clue what to do with all that equipment.

As a young 20something you've gotten over the whole good girl/bad girl thing a bit. You've hopefully cut a few notches in your belt and have the basic mechanics down fairly well (foreplay, foreplay, in and out, missionary with maybe a little doggie for added spice.) The boys are getting better but they're still a bit self-absorbed. Sometimes you forget their names or they forget yours and well...calling out Jack when you really meant to say Henry can really kill the mood. Plus, if you're anything like the stereotypical 21 year old, you're probably sleeping on some squeaky hand-me-down futon with sheets so old and stained sometimes you think you can actually draw a picture of Daffy Duck's head if you connected all the dots. THAT really helps set the mood!

By your late 20s you're starting to come into your own. Your hearts been broken (probably more than once.) You're figured out that the best way to avoid accidentally calling out someone elses name is not to use names at all (everyone enjoys a well voiced oh or ah). Your collection of sex shop purchases takes up the better half the space in your sock drawer and you've used each item multiple times - both alone and with at least one partner. Now here's the stinker. This is just around the time that things start to get a bit droopy...the boobs start migrating south for the winter, your belly (rather than your boobs) are the first thing to enter a room, and suddenly each wave goodbye is an opportunity for your upper arms to also join in on the fun. Makes a girl wonder if she'll ever be able to turn on the lights in her bedroom again!

And then you turn 30!
  • You've upgraded to a mattress that's fit for royalty (Queen! King!) with maybe even a pillow top and 300 threadcount sheets!
  • You're actually starting to enjoy your soft belly. It makes for a great impromptu bongo and a nice pillow for your lovers head.
  • When you roll over in the morning, you actually recognize the person sleeping next to you...and more importantly he remembers that you like your tea with honey and 2% milk.
  • You've filtered through that sock/toy drawer and whittled your collection down to the two things that are most important...a good vibrator and lots of lube.
  • You don't mind kissing with morning breathe.
  • You've figured out what works and you have no qualms asking for it.
  • You rarely, if ever, wake up on Saturday or Sunday morning hung over and reeking of smoke...well, unless you like that sort of thing.
  • You (or your lover) can take a spontaneous luxury weekend trip and still pay all your bills at the end of the month.
  • He has no problem finding IT...
And for all these reasons...


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