Dear September 2006,
I've never had to dump a whole month before so this is new for me. Please bear with me.
Okay, here we go...
We are F*****G through. That's right...you can take your m*****f*****g 30 days, and autumnal equinox, and changing leaves, and stick em where the sun don't shine.
You'd think that being kidnapped and robbed would be plenty for one month...but no...you had to go and throw in being very unceremoniously dumped by your boyfriend to make it all the more fun. And over email no less. What the heck was up with that?! At least you could of had him pick up the phone or something. And what's the deal with the non-response to my calls and emails. That's like rubbing hydrochloric acid into my wounds. Skip the salt.
And while starting a new job is a very good thing, I'm still blaming you for the stress brought on by the newness of it all. If I get a new gray hear because of you, I'm gonna bop you.
Yeah, yeah...there was the whole triathlon, not drowning thing. But that's chump change pal. You're just lucky I've got a good sense of humor or I'd of ditched you somewhere around the 16th of the month.
So grab your bags and don't let the door hit your arse on the way out. I'm shacking up with Oct.