All the news thats fit...

I'm such a little current events whore. Here are some other topics that have made me very happy and very sad over the past couple of weeks.

Who knew the Supreme Court could gets things right every once in awhile. How surprised (and completely ecstatic) was I to learn that they actually found the execution of juveniles to be unconstitutional. This follows their 2002 ban on the execution of mentally retarded defendants. Could it be possible that capital punishment might be banned entirely some day? Oh...what a glorious day that would be.

On a completely different note, have you read about the shit going down in Kansas. In case you haven't, here's a summary. The Attorney General of Kansas, Phill Kline, has demanded abortion clinics turn over the complete medical files of all the women and children who have sought late-term abortions. His "rational" for demanding the files is to investigate and prosecute statutory rape cases. Riiiight. The only reason this case has come to light is because two of the clincis filed briefs with the State Supreme Court to block the investigation. Why hide behind the ruse of investigating statutory rape? I think Phill Kline and all other mysoginists should just come out and say what they really feel. Here, I'll help him.

Dear Women of the World,

I hate you, I fear you, and I want to make your life miserable. You know that woman in Pakistan who was sentenced to gang rape because her brother engaged in sexual misconduct? She deserved it. I know she didn't actually do anything wrong...but it's all about original sin. Didn't you know that? Eve messed it up for all of y'all. Blame Eve, not me.

In my ideal world white men would control everything including your money, your mind, and your body. I wouldn't teach you how to read, write, or think.

I've still got a lot to do to create this ideal world but I'm confident I'm heading in the right direction. The media is my greatest ally and the cause had a great victory last Sunday night during the Academy Awards. What, you thought the Academy Awards was actually about celebrating artistic achievement? Please, the Independent Spirit Awards maybe but definately not the Academy Awards. Did you see all those unweight, anorexic movie starlets? You think it's an accident that ABC spent an hour and a half before the actual awards showcasing the stars as they arrived? Those images of unrealistic physical beauty should keep 90% of you so preoccupied you'll hopefully ignore my efforts to quickly usurp all of your civil rights. The media and the rest of the misogynistic world has successfully mind-f*cked you to believe that your validty and worth is contingent on the size of your waist and boobs. Silly women. Now, if I could only figure out how to convince the Academy to stop writing parts for people of color...

Yours truly,
Phill Kline,
Attorney General and minnion of the devil


If only people really were that honest...