Conversation with mom about email

Urgent call from my mother while I am at work:

Mom: I need you to set up an email account for me.
Me: Do you know how to use email?
Mom: Yes, of course. I took at class at church.
Me: How many classes?
Mom: Just one but I have a good memory.
Me: Are you sure?
Mom: Yes, I need it for the Nike account.
Me: Do you know how to type?
Mom: Sure. You just peck out the letters.
Me: Do you know how to spell?
Mom: Umm...I'll call you if I don't know how to spell a word.
Me: Fine. I'll set one up in gmail and then call you when its all set up.
Mom: Okay. Thanks. I love you.

A few minutes later.

Me: Hi, I set up the email account. Go to this page. Gmail.com.
Mom: Okay, did it.
Me: In the user name on the right hand side type in: ******* In the password type in: ********* Then click 'sign in'
Mom: Okay
Me: Did you get in?
Mom: No, what am I supposed to see?
Me: You should be in the inbox and see one email from the Gmail Team. On the left side you should see a lot of different commands.
Mom: I don't see any of that. All I see are the words 'Google Search'
Me: Wait, did you even go to the gmail site?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Then how did you get to 'Google Search'
Mom: I don't know. The computer just took me there.
Me: (suspecting that she had never even gone to gmail) Okay. Lets start again. Go to the very top of the internet explorer window. (I then walk her through the entire process again.)
Mom: I still get 'Google Search'
Me: Let me talk to Rudolfo (my mom's manager)
Me to Rudolfo: Can you show my mother how to get to gmail.
Rudolfo: Sure, sure

(mumbling in the background for about 5 minutes)

Mom: We still get 'Google Search' (at this point my mom is cracking up so hard that she can barely speak.)
Me: OMG! Does no one in the store know how to use the internet. Let me talk to Christian (one of the sales kids.)
Me to Christian: Hi Christian, do you know how to check email?
Christian: Sure
Me: Okay, can you take my mother to gmail.com
Christian: Okay

(5 more minutes pass)

Mom: We still get google search. Just set up an account in hotmail. I know how to use hotmail.
Me: Gmail is the same concept.
Mom: I don't care. I learned how to use hotmail.
Me: Fine, I'll call you when I set up the account in hotmail.
Mom: Okay. Bye.

5 minutes later...

Me: Hi. Okay, you are all set up in hotmail. It's the same user name and password.
Mom: Okay, stay on the line while I try it.
(two minutes pass)
Mom: I don't understand.
Me: What?
Mom: I still get google search.
Mom: Oh, never mind...I'll try later.
Me: Okay, Bye.

I call my mom at work 2 days later.

Me: Hi, it's me. Did you figure out how to check your email.
Mom: No, but your little sister is coming over in the afternoon to show me how to use email.
Me: I though you knew how to use email.
Mom: So did I.