Daddy Advice

It's been called to my attention that I have been very negligent in providing wisdom from the sage teachers that are my parents. Well, my mom has been fairly sane as of late, therefore I introduce you to wisdom of my pops. Oh boy! This would be the man who taught me how to hotwire a car at the age of 6 and let me take a drag of his cigarette (before he quit) at 4.

"Sex is great. I love sex. Just don't have too much sex. It wears you out."

"I'm sorry you look like me. I was hoping that by marrying your mother you'd get some of her genes."

"You should teach yoga to our church members. Even if you weren't any good, I'm sure someone would show up. Plus, most don't speak very good English so they'll never know if you were a good teacher or not."

"Korean people eat fast because we are a rural people. We gotta get back in the fields to harvest." (Yeah, I'm still trying to figure that one out. I don't think I've ever seen my dad harvest anything.)

"Men are sneaky and deceptive. Trust me, I know. I'm one of them." (I think I was 7 or 8 the first time he told me this.)

"Wow, even I speak better English than Arnold Schwarzenegger."

"Why'd you have to go and tell on me?" (This would be after he downed an entire 1 lb box of dark chocolate covered raisins in one afternoon. He's refering to my mom.)

"I don't understand why gay people choose to stay in the middle states. If it's so discriminatory out there, they should just pack up and leave. Look at me, I barely spoke English when I came to New York. Of course I'm smart, which helps."

"I don't understand why people fawn over athelets and movie stars. It's not like they ever bought you a cup of coffee."